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2 poems by torrin a. greathouse

9/7/2016

 

TO THE PEOPLE WHO CALL ME BRAVE

​how do i explain 
that there is no bravery in running
from a house on fire.
that this story begins with body
born boy
like animal skinning itself in reverse
& sewing itself up wrong.
that dressing like this feels less
like dressing up & more like dressing
a wound.
after slipping boy from my body
i am a burn victim
trying to grow a second skin
& this is not bravery
it is survival
it is trading fire
for firing squad
& declaring my body 
bulletproof.
when you train the shotgun
of a mouth
on a body that you say cannot exist
i have already begun to fade
away
and your bullets pass through me
like ghosts.

TRUE [*}

i sit in bed, the only place i sit like this
bra / stolen from the summer girl
wrapped tight as a belt
                        [the bible belt?]
around my chest,
wishing this cotton looked like flesh.
 
                                  knowing it doesn’t.
 
i wonder if this is how my boyfriend’s binder
makes him feel / guilt begins /
to flow like blood.
 
i have grown accustomed to this / rusty lipped guilt /
thoughts that taste like every beating
i have ever avoided.
 
i want to take a razor to this traitor /
            beard across my face
[dig past the hairs to my skin / paint it like my lips.]
 
every time i sing the word True
in tune with Laura’s pain
it feels like biting my tongue
i wish i could watch the blood / splatter into the sink.
 
                         a perfect bloody asterix.
 
like me.
       an exception.
       [just invisible / enough.]
 
it’s not that i don’t want people to see,
but i remember how it feels / not to eat,
& guilt goes down easier / with wine.
 
i never intended to hide,
i would love to walk a mile in her shoes
but they don’t come in my size,
       & i couldn’t / afford them anyway
                       [not in this economy.]

✱✱✱
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torrin a. greathouse is a queer, non-binary cripple-punk from Southern California, and a Co-Founder of Black Napkin Press. Their work has been published or is upcoming in Rust + Moth, Chiron Review, Crab Fat Magazine, The Feminist Wire, & Caliban Online. Their first full length collection “In Search of Stray Gods,” is upcoming this year. 
    Picture

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