NOTES ON SILENCElosing my headphones in school didn’t feel very nice but i like it now that i’ve gotten used to not having the endless stream of sound i don’t ever listen to- (like, really listen to)- to fill up every second. there is so much empty time and so much clarity when the buzz is cleared and i never noticed it slipping through my fingers, flowing like water, i don’t understand where i let the years pass by without ever realizing where they went, the whirlwind and commotion of life engulfing me, time moving like waves back and forth all i ever think about anymore is how the years move so swiftly without a letter, without a call, not a single text of warning to me like hey it’s over we’re over the next one is near, maybe you should worry less about me maybe you should work on listening to this one, maybe i forgot how to keep my feet on the ground and feel the earth beneath me after so many years of being uprooted from everything that mattered, i think i was so swept up by it all i forgot to watch out for the birds warbling and the crunching of shoes stepping on leaves and all the shades of the sky between dusk and dawn and all the sweet, wonderful words i feel like i heard only in my head i think i needed to listen to the universe for once, let it know i was okay and things were okay and that i can still hear it all i can still hear the buzz in my mind that wills me to live i can still hear the humming of my own heart. and that it matters. DREAM DEFERREDi had a dream once or twice, i think my memory’s hazy these days i still remember every word you said to me like they were etched in mind i remember your face lit by the glow of the moon. first contact i’ve had in 29 days 5 hours 14 minutes was a mirage. even in the fog of my mind i remember how you never keep your hands still even in mine they tremble like leaves and i remember myself wondering as i did so many times before who took away your tenderness. i look for signs where i shouldn’t and see gradation in glass as clear as day and i’d trade in every vision i’ve seen for this to be more than just brainwaves i will the universe to let it come true but all i hear is radio silence what is it about old hurts that makes us always return to them. what is it about old truths that makes us always forget them ✱✱✱
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