you can't mourn everything by katie fanthorpe

Juddering between remembering and
getting on I stall in the
periphery of her.
                                              Have you looked?
I found her by the station but
the train was delayed/ the train was an unreality
you made up to please me.
 
I want to help but I keep focus on my hands.
These useless objects we hoard.
I search for the hurt but instead I find
your Facebook feed and it’s the anniversary
of my ascension.
                                            Are you still waiting?
I tried to knock but I didn't know how to form,
these things I say to please you. I keep thinking
about that slow worm do you think it made it?
I can't protect everything/ I don't protect anything.
What am I supposed to do with my hands, are they for -
but you're out of focus, you're out of focus.

✱✱✱

Katie is a postgraduate in Creative and Critical Writing at the University of Sussex. She loves all things spacey, and anything to do with black cats. Find her tweeting about millennial angst at @FutileDevises. ​