this illness is forever by isis nelson

cw: chronic illness

to be chronically ill from a young age is to know the taste of resignation better than that of happiness
 
it is old facebook comments and constant questions about why you were never at school before you left
 
(“i was sick” was apparently not a good enough answer)
 
it is “you might grow out of it with age”
 
(you will not)
 
it is briefly vomiting in your mouth while burping and getting on with your day, because this is just your life
 
it is your stomach feeling like lead after eating
 
(and learning to dislike food because it only causes you pain)
 
it is dark humor about your many disabilities because it’s one of the few ways you can cope
 
it is the concerned gazes of your mother and doctors after getting on the scale
 
(you lost weight again; you shrug, it’s not your fault your appetite is so moody)
 
it is laying in bed after eating fast food and being acutely aware you’re going to be sick for the rest of your life, probably
 
it is unconsciously comparing forms of suffering
 
(you don’t have it as bad as some people, but that doesn’t mean you have it all that good, either)

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Isis Nelson (they/them) is a seventeen-year-old queer black activist from Pennsylvania. They write about politics and trauma, mostly. You can find their work in Hoax Zine, Deaf Poets Society, and White Dads Zine. They’re always on Twitter: twitter.com/trainerisis, if you like good opinions about video games/movies/general popular culture.