cartwheels by sofia sears

I am panting through hell-
ricocheting headspins; pavement breakdowns
pencil-dust tantrums in bitten notebooks
the shroud of teenagehood bleeding,
runny egg,
staining the shirt.

I saw what started it.
the sordid adolescent, apricot lips,
lilting smirks
hiding our quiet thrashing behind a doormat; a spider crumbled in our doorway- never throw it away,
never pick it up-
let it stay; acrid insect guts that do not disintegrate
dismembered dreams flickering like light-up mildew
where girlhood goes to shrink- where festering hymns of our infancy shriek in cages.

flesh as memory-
a fabric knit with skull and teeth
taste-tester of limbless sleep-
encroached in joints and missing eyes
these people fit into hollowness, I don’t know how
to do
that.

the androgynous thing called loss is made female;
torturous,
no escape
route.

candor bruises my tongue
throataches coiled under soft-spokenness
misery storaged in eye bags
the scars
can’t
speak for themselves
I’m sorry I have to do it.

selves whittled from paper, smallness,
groaning underneath solitude and math tests
tornado thoughts-but-
then,
drought.

we are rotting starflesh cloaked in reassurances,
hopeful smotherings,
bullshit.
I am
a war
a spurt,
of girl.

✱✱✱

Sofia Sears is a writer, social justice activist, and editor-in-chief of the literary magazine the Odyssey Zine. She started this magazine to uplift the voices of marginalized and queer youth, and she has also been published in various magazines such as Rookie, Risen, and Cry Baby Zine. Sofia is an impassioned advocate for youth political engagement, feminism, and an expert rapper on matters of the Founding Fathers. You can find her at The-Abditory.com and @sofsears on Instagram.