I am panting through hell- ricocheting headspins; pavement breakdowns pencil-dust tantrums in bitten notebooks the shroud of teenagehood bleeding, runny egg, staining the shirt. I saw what started it. the sordid adolescent, apricot lips, lilting smirks hiding our quiet thrashing behind a doormat; a spider crumbled in our doorway- never throw it away, never pick it up- let it stay; acrid insect guts that do not disintegrate dismembered dreams flickering like light-up mildew where girlhood goes to shrink- where festering hymns of our infancy shriek in cages. flesh as memory- a fabric knit with skull and teeth taste-tester of limbless sleep- encroached in joints and missing eyes these people fit into hollowness, I don’t know how to do that. the androgynous thing called loss is made female; torturous, no escape route. candor bruises my tongue throataches coiled under soft-spokenness misery storaged in eye bags the scars can’t speak for themselves I’m sorry I have to do it. selves whittled from paper, smallness, groaning underneath solitude and math tests tornado thoughts-but- then, drought. we are rotting starflesh cloaked in reassurances, hopeful smotherings, bullshit. I am a war a spurt, of girl. ✱✱✱
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