alone with my thoughts i scare myself by caseyrenée lopez

​sometimes i want to cook my heart
pluck it out of my chest and plop it into a bubbling braise
 
sometimes i want to mince my lungs
stir them with soy sauce, mix them with brine
 
sometimes i want to cannibalize my confusion
rip it from my body, detach it from my bones and muscles
 
sometimes i want to work for a well deserved orgasm
eviscerate my cunt with self-inflicted violence
 
sometimes i want to remove my body hair with searing hot wax
melt the fibrous mixture into liquid pain and watch it solidify on my fingertips
 
sometimes i want to fuck you into unconsciousness
just to watch your face lose its contours and complexity
 
sometimes i want to feel like a monster hiding under your bed
laying flat on my belly waiting to suck you down with me

​✱✱✱

Caseyrenée Lopez is a non-binary queerfemme atheist living in the Deep South. They write their pain as poems, & in addition to editing Crab Fat Magazine, run TQ Review & Damaged Goods Press in an effort to platform marginalized writers/artists, particularly queer and trans folks. Their first chapbook of poems, QueerSexWords, was published by Yellow Chair Press in April 2016. Follow them on Twitter @caseyreneelopez.