2 poems by angbeen abbas

NOTES ON SILENCE

losing my headphones in school didn’t feel very nice
but i like it now that i’ve gotten used to not having the endless
stream of sound i don’t ever listen to-
(like, really listen to)-
to fill up every second. there is so much empty time and
so much clarity when the buzz is cleared
and i never noticed it slipping through my fingers, flowing like water,
i don’t understand where i let the years pass by without ever
realizing where they went, the whirlwind  and commotion of
life engulfing me, time moving like waves back and forth
all i ever think about anymore is how the years move so swiftly
without a letter, without a call,
not a single text of warning to me like hey
                                it’s over we’re over
the next one is near, maybe you should worry less about me
maybe you should work on listening to this one,
maybe i forgot how to keep my feet on the ground and feel the earth
beneath me after so many years of being          
uprooted from everything that mattered,
i think i was so swept up by it all
 i forgot to watch out for the
birds warbling and the crunching of shoes stepping on leaves and
all the shades of the sky between dusk and dawn and
 all the sweet, wonderful words i feel like i heard only in my head
i think i needed to listen to the universe for once,
let it know i was
okay and things were
okay and that i can still hear it all i can still hear
the buzz in my mind that wills me to live
 i can still hear the humming of my own
heart. and that it matters.

DREAM DEFERRED

i had a dream once or twice, i think my memory’s
hazy these days i still remember
every word you said to me like they were
etched in mind i remember your face
lit by the glow of the moon. first contact i’ve had
in 29 days 5 hours 14 minutes was
a mirage. even in the fog of my mind i
remember how you never keep your hands still
even in mine they tremble like leaves and i remember
myself wondering as i did so many times before
who took away your tenderness. i look for signs
where i shouldn’t and see gradation in glass as
clear as day and i’d trade in every vision i’ve
seen for this to be more than
                                       just
                                            brainwaves
i will the universe to let it
come true but all i hear
is radio silence
what is it about old hurts that
makes us always return to
them. what is it about old truths
that makes us always
forget
them

✱✱✱

Angbeen Abbas is a high school student residing in Pakistan. She likes dogs and sunflowers. She tweets at @nahoosat.