good girl
i want to be a good girl™
but online is cursed
and people tell me that i’m not doing it
~correctly~
i have to walk with my feet closer together
so as to take up
l e s s s p a c e
i have to make my voice
two (2) octaves higher
i have to wear high heels
i have to want to have sex
(especially with cis straight men)
i have to move differently
(be more feminine)
I have to tape
my dick
between
my legs
the fucked up thing is:
people online ARE REAL PEOPLE
they are the same fucking people as
the people who exist offline
but online is cursed
and people tell me that i’m not doing it
~correctly~
i have to walk with my feet closer together
so as to take up
l e s s s p a c e
i have to make my voice
two (2) octaves higher
i have to wear high heels
i have to want to have sex
(especially with cis straight men)
i have to move differently
(be more feminine)
I have to tape
my dick
between
my legs
the fucked up thing is:
people online ARE REAL PEOPLE
they are the same fucking people as
the people who exist offline
horny jesus-loving dyke
1.
my type of boy is a catholic jesus…
daddy issues…
like hanging up there all golden and frail…
and crucified………………………………
my type of girl is… also… catholic
my type of non-binary/
gender non-conforming queero is…
all cummers welcum!
2.
please don’t stare at me in public!
(unless you have cash)
missed connection: theodore, the trans guy
who works at the bunnings in brunswick:
we were in a hurry and I didn’t have time
to flirt with you more but you are hot as… hello!
i’ve been feeling a lot of powerful energies
ever since my cat threw up in the shape
of a perfect number 6, the devil’s number…
3.
when avril said, “uh huh, life’s like this,
uh huh, uh huh, that’s the way it is…” etc.
it’s friday and the bin smells strongly
of various cums :)
often it feels like
even when they can’t see me
that some people’s driving
is straight up transphobic…
4.
a lot of things in this world don’t make sense
like how milk is gross
but cheese is good
only tweeting trans dyke content from now on
and if you don’t like it you can leave :)
5.
if anyone made me transgender
it was trinity in the matrix trilogy,
jessica alba in dark angel,
and pam anderson for vivienne westwood
honestly, the worst* part about being a trans woman
is all the fucking paperwork
*aside from all the terfs and trans misogynists
666.
straight cis white boy:
“it’s funny that you’re trans now
because you’re not very feminine”
me: “suck my dick”
my type of boy is a catholic jesus…
daddy issues…
like hanging up there all golden and frail…
and crucified………………………………
my type of girl is… also… catholic
my type of non-binary/
gender non-conforming queero is…
all cummers welcum!
2.
please don’t stare at me in public!
(unless you have cash)
missed connection: theodore, the trans guy
who works at the bunnings in brunswick:
we were in a hurry and I didn’t have time
to flirt with you more but you are hot as… hello!
i’ve been feeling a lot of powerful energies
ever since my cat threw up in the shape
of a perfect number 6, the devil’s number…
3.
when avril said, “uh huh, life’s like this,
uh huh, uh huh, that’s the way it is…” etc.
it’s friday and the bin smells strongly
of various cums :)
often it feels like
even when they can’t see me
that some people’s driving
is straight up transphobic…
4.
a lot of things in this world don’t make sense
like how milk is gross
but cheese is good
only tweeting trans dyke content from now on
and if you don’t like it you can leave :)
5.
if anyone made me transgender
it was trinity in the matrix trilogy,
jessica alba in dark angel,
and pam anderson for vivienne westwood
honestly, the worst* part about being a trans woman
is all the fucking paperwork
*aside from all the terfs and trans misogynists
666.
straight cis white boy:
“it’s funny that you’re trans now
because you’re not very feminine”
me: “suck my dick”
smoking kills you
i started smoking
because it looks ~cool~
and it is a good excuse
to leave a party
and go outside for a little while
also… it kills you
i’ve got second puberty blues
i’m 25 going on 16
some days
i still want to die
like when you glare at me
and/or point at me
and/or laugh at me
and/or make vomiting sounds
or when you yell at me
from your car
to tell me
to kill myself
most days
i want to be alive
just to spite you…
to blow smoke in your faces…
to die on my own terms…
disclaimer: say no to drugs
unless you need them to stay alive
because it looks ~cool~
and it is a good excuse
to leave a party
and go outside for a little while
also… it kills you
i’ve got second puberty blues
i’m 25 going on 16
some days
i still want to die
like when you glare at me
and/or point at me
and/or laugh at me
and/or make vomiting sounds
or when you yell at me
from your car
to tell me
to kill myself
most days
i want to be alive
just to spite you…
to blow smoke in your faces…
to die on my own terms…
disclaimer: say no to drugs
unless you need them to stay alive
✱✱✱
| Heather Joan Day is a good girl/gay goth/transgender queen/illiterate writer/fancy filmmaker/drum machine. She lives in Melbourne, Australia on Wurundjeri Land. Her writing can be found in God Is In The Tv Zine, Ibis House, Scum Mag, and Plaything Magazine. You can stream season one of the web series she co-creates, Everything’s Going To Be Fine, on Youtube for free, and listen to her band Fine Hearts on Soundcloud and Spotify. Find her on on Instagram @heatherjoanday and Twitter @emo_flowers. |
